In 1997, the word 'blog' never came up in conversation. Today, they're all over the place, and whether you like them or not, they're here for good. Ten years ago, before I started working at the Hamilton Spectator, I was surviving on freelance dollars, and living in a rented apartment in Toronto's Little Italy with two women - Heather and Jennifer, Jennifer later replaced by Kate. The following text is a prehistoric blog of the mundane activities that went on. It was emailed out to a number of subscribers...enjoy
---THE DWELLING TIMES--- NUMBER TWO
Insignificant information from 795-8 College Street, Toronto
NEWS from Tuesday April 22, 1997
HEADLINE: BROOM GOES MISSING Resident Heather Morton searched the entire apartment for the broom earlier today. Despite the fact that the appliance has never enjoyed a determined storage location, she searched earnestly for the item. A brief investigation resulted in its find after resident Graeme MacKay pointed out the broom which was leaning up against the wall in the dining room adjacent to the computer system. The broom is now located in the kitchen leaning up against the wall.
HEADLINE: APARTMENT RECEIVES FOUR ITEMS OF MAIL As usual, for a weekday, mail was delivered to 8-795 College Street. Jennifer received a post card from the Caribbean, and Graeme received a credit card statement. Heather received no mail. This weeks TIME magazine arrived for residential reading, as well as a number of savings coupons from Kentucky Fried Chicken.
HEADLINE: EARTH DAY CELEBRATIONS Residents of the apartment celebrated Earth Day by recycling two aluminium cans. Graeme placed a half empty blue box of glass and metal products on the curbside of College Street, as municipal pickup is anticipated for tomorrow. Meanwhile, residents are preparing for transferral of paper refuse to the Metropolitan Toronto recycling facility due to occur next Tuesday morning.
HEADLINE: JENNIFER HAS RENTAL CAR Shortly after returning from a car journey that took her to Ottawa, resident Jennifer Brewin confirmed that she will be in possession of a car for the next two days. Graeme initiated a proposal that a time be allocated for returning empty beer bottles to the local Brewers Retail on Bathurst Street. It is assumed that with such a mission, beer will be purchased on the same trip.
COMING SOON, A FEATURE REPORT ON THE DISAPPEARANCE OF "DEED" THE CAT.
AND THAT'S THE NEWS FOR TUESDAY, APRIL 22, 1997. 11:59pm (EST)
---THE DWELLING TIMES--- NUMBER THREE
Insignificant information from 795-8 College Street, Toronto
NEWS from Wednesday April 23, 1997
HEADLINE: GRAEME PONDERS LEISURE ACTIVITY
Since being subdued by the powers of the new apartment PC, resident Graeme MacKay is set to begin enjoying activities further than 12 inches away from a monitor. Since purchasing the product more than a week ago, his appearance has become paler, and a strange odour emanates due to poor personal hygiene. Several visitors have remarked on the smell, including Danny MacKay, of Borden Street, Toronto. Graeme is considering the possibility of enjoying the spring time weather that Toronto has been receiving lately, perhaps he'll find time to visit a special exhibit at the Royal Ontario Museum.
HEADLINE: A VISITOR AT WORK
Roommates Heather Morton and Jennifer Brewin had a brief visit at Factory Theatre today when Jennifer came to pick up a small Shop Vac with which to clean her room. Jennifer invited Heather out to lunch. Heather suggested instead that Jennifer go and get Heather a sandwich as Heather was in a meeting and couldn't leave her office. Jennifer said no. The small Shop Vac is in front of the door to the apartment. Two people have tripped over it.
HEADLINE: TRAGEDY AT COMPUTER DESK
Tragedy struck 795 College Apt 8 when Graeme MacKay picked a scab from his elbow which subsequently started to bleed. Heather Morton was holding a piece of hot pasta on a fork at the time and offered to cauterize the wound. Graeme declined the help and the scab soon closed over again.
HEADLINE: STEWED TOMATO SURPLUS EVADES THE WASTE BASKET
Heather Morton was shocked today after realizing she had opened a can of stewed tomatoes despite the fact that an almost full can, opened two days ago, was still in refrigeration. Fears of needless waste were quelled after Graeme indicated he would use the contents of the newly opened can for a pasta dish he was to prepare for dinner later this evening. At press time, however, he was considering entering a deal with Jennifer Brewin to eat take-out Piri-Piri chicken.
AND THAT'S THE NEWS FOR WEDNESDAY, APRIL 23, 1997 5:30 (EST)
---THE DWELLING TIMES--- NUMBER FOUR
Insignificant information from 795-8 College Street, Toronto
NEWS from Thursday, April 24, 1997
HEADLINE: RESIDENTS CONSIDER ASSISTANCE IN MANITOBA FLOOD DISASTER RELIEF
Compassion and assistance was considered today by apartment residents to victims of the water soaked regions in south-western Manitoba. Suggestions were made that included the possibility of lending the household bucket to relief volunteers stationed in the area. At press time, division arose amongst residents as to how the pail would be transported, although the options have been narrowed down to utilizing Canada Post, or e-mail. Meanwhile, Heather, Jennifer, and Graeme are scurrying to think of ways to fill Dominion bags with sand in an effort to assist in dyke construction. A one hour water moratorium may be instituted tomorrow afternoon.
HEADLINE: GRAEME AVOIDS DEALING WITH REFRIGERATOR LEFTOVER DISCOVERY
A pot in the refrigerator half full of tomato sauce was discovered in the apartment this morning. It turns out, according to Graeme's memory, that he had placed the sauce there over two weeks ago, and had forgotten about it since then. With no pressing need to make use of the pot for cooking a different food item, he made the decision to leave it in the refrigerator. It is expected to remain there for atleast the next six to eight weeks.
HEADLINE: APOLOGIES FOR YESTERDAY'S EARLY DWELLING TIMES DELIVERY
A physical error is to blame for yesterday's distribution of the DWELLING TIMES, six hours before its regular press time. Some subscribers were under the illusion that the DWELLING TIMES was beginning to dispatch two issues per day, which included both a morning and an evening edition. While editors are considering expansion of the DWELLING TIMES to hourly updates, the news will remain being relayed only once a day, at its usual press time of 11:59 pm (EST.) for the time being.
*FEATURE*: GRAEME'S TRIP TO STEEL TOWN GRAEME CONDUCTS SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENT by GRAEME MACKAY--a personal account.
Today I made a special trip on behalf of the DWELLING TIMES to Hamilton, Ontario. After an uneventful journey by GO bus from Toronto to Hamilton, I hopped on a municipal bus headed for Dundas, the town in which I grew up. I was intrigued to discover that one of the other passengers aboard was the town's village idiot, also known as "Dizzy Dean", and a well known patron of the Tim Horton's at the corner of York and King Streets. As the bus approached the end of its line, the only passengers left were the two of us. Realizing his great ability to stare at me, despite his having crossed eyes, I endeavoured to conduct an experiment. While it is widely regarded that yawning is contagious among normal human beings, it remained unknown to me as to whether or not the same theory could be applied to abnormal human beings. The results of the experiment concluded that after mimicking a yawn, abnormal people do not respond the same way as normal human beings.
AND THAT'S THE NEWS FOR THURSDAY, APRIL 24, 1997 (note: Friday is reader letters day--be sure to send in your own comments or experiences before 11:59 pm (EST.) Friday, April 25, 1997, they may be posted.)
---THE DWELLING TIMES--- NUMBER FIVE
Insignificant information from 795-8 College Street, Toronto
NEWS from April 25 Weekend, 1997
UPDATE: STEWED TOMATO DEBACLE
Fear is spreading among the residents of 795 College Apt 8 that they may be suffering from a rare but potentially debilitating case of "Stewed Tomato Tin Alzheimer's Disease". It seems that Graeme made the mistake of opening yet another can of tomatoes tonight, somehow overlooking an already opened can on the second shelf of the refrigerator. There is speculation that aluminium from the open tomato cans are affecting the residents' ability to remember that there are tomatoes in the fridge.
HEADLINE: RECYCLING CALENDAR GOES MISSING IN FOYER
For quite some time now all residents of 795 College Street, including apartment 8, have had to live their lives without the guidance of the City of Toronto Garbage and Recycling Calendar. Normally it is posted in the front entrance to the building, however it seems as though someone is hoarding important information. The residents of apartment 8 have placed their recyclables at 799 College Street.
---THE DWELLING TIMES--- NUMBER SIX
Insignificant information from 795-8 College Street, Toronto
NEWS FOR MONDAY, APRIL 28, 1997 (11:59 pm EST.)
HEADLINE: TV PROGRAMME INSPIRES GRAEME TO SUPPORT VEGANISM
Apartment resident Graeme MacKay became a converted vegetarian today. For dinner he ate just a salad. He apparently was inspired by a television programme that aired this afternoon which told the story of a little girl who rebelled against her meat-loving family and chose to stand up for animal rights and vegetarianism. The story chronicled a family visit to a petting zoo that included a segment in which the family members found adoration for a little lamb. Later, in the evening, the child was inspired to become an activist for the cause when she could not face eating lamb chops for dinner. She had to face ridicule from family and friends until she found sympathy from a local Asian shop keeper. Two hours after eating, Graeme ate some left over pasta and meatballs.
HEADLINE: RESIDENTS SAY NO TO MEGACITY
After months of discussion, the residents of 8-795 College Street gave a resounding thumbs-down to the Ontario government's proposal of amalgamating the municipalities of metropolitan Toronto. However, the bill was passed into law in the provincial legislature last week.
HEADLINE: OLD "FRIEND" VISITS THE APARTMENT
Resident Heather Morton, awoke this morning to the faint meowing of an old visitor to 795 College St., Suite 8. "Friend" the cat hadn't frequented the apartment in over a week when the balmy weather turned cold and resident Graeme MacKay closed his window. Friend (alias Deed), made a quick sweep of the apartment before retreating back outside. It is suspected that Jennifer Brewin's Shop Vac is implicated in Friend's skittishness. Heather and Graeme look forward to Friend's visit tomorrow and have set aside a small amount of Jennifer's tunafish in any case.
HEADLINE: LANDLORD STOPS BY
Peter Lee, owner of 795 College Street attempted to pay a visit to Apartment 8 at approximately 4:25 this afternoon. The tenants, recognizing his voice, hid in the bathroom, thinking Mr. Lee had come to evict them for storing refuse on the back step. It soon became clear that the landlord was merely collecting a rent cheque. Without opening the door, Graeme MacKay admitted that it was in the mail and Mr. Lee left shortly afterward.
NEWSFLASH: (Monday, 11:42pm; commercial break #2, Late Night with David Letterman) Due to the power of advertising Graeme MacKay has decided to buy a package of Pogo's. Graeme has never tried them before but roommate Heather Morton assures him "They're good." Heather and Graeme then speculated for a few minutes on how they might cook the Pogo's.
Coming soon...THE DWELLING TIMES goes interactive...Watch for it! AND THAT'S THE NEWS FOR MONDAY, APRIL 28th, 1997
---THE DWELLING TIMES--- NUMBER SEVEN
Insignificant information from 795-8 College Street, Toronto
NEWS FOR TUESDAY, APRIL 29, 1997 (11:59 pm EST.)
HEADLINE: HEATHER GETS INFORMED WHILE STRINGING NOSES Tonight, Heather Morton watched W-5 and the CTV National News. At the same time, she was tying string to prosthetic clown noses.
HEADLINE: HEATHER'S POST-MODERNITY MELANCHOLY BAFFLES GRAEME This evening as she tried to explain the definition of post-modernism, Graeme was left confused. After months of occasionally using the term liberally in conversation, she was asked to explain what she means. During a ten minute lecture this evening, Heather gave some examples of post-modernism. Many of her examples related to irony in pop-culture. When challenged to take on the persona of a post-modernist individual for a day, Heather declined, but was in turn left baffled wondering what that would be like.
HEADLINE: JENNIFER USES KITCHEN SINK DURING AND AFTER TOOTH BRUSHING For some unknown reason, resident Jennifer Brewin has chosen not to brush her teeth in the bathroom, made evident by the presence of her toothbrush and toothpaste next to soiled pots and dishes.
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS: LETTER #1: How do the publishers arrange for such convenient times of delivery? Do we have to pay for this exclusive journal or has cyber space robbed us of our M/C # and we will find it on our month end bill? HM--Huron County, Ont.
--Response: We do a final round up of the issues that are part of the daily process here at 8-795 College Street, and then discuss, select, and publish only those stories that will stimulate our reader audience. As far as billing by credit, we're working on it--readers will be asked to pay by cheque for the time being.
LETTER #2: Out of fear that people around me in the office will think I am mentally unstable (they are always looking for more evidence!), I am forced now to circulate The Dwelling Times to those around me. Now they can not only partake in the experience, but understand my sporadic outbursts. I hope this does not pose any copyright conflicts. RR--Toronto, Ont.
LETTER #3: I have just read through your most recent issues of The Dwelling Times. My favourite part was about the missing broom. In my experienced opinion, brooms are the workhorses of modern household cleaning tools; thus, they should have a stall and fresh straw to rejuvenate bristles lost while sweeping. JS--Nackawick, NB
LETTER #4: "You don't even play guitar do you?" asked one person as they kicked my hat on the ground with the assorted change sitting in its care. No, I replied, but I can't draw either. I started my day by placing three dollars worth of assorted change into my visible receptacle. It takes money to make money I have been told. With 25 cents donated by one tone deff local I almost have enough for one share of Bre-X. By the end of the day I still hadn't played anything, not that I could have. I did manage to break two strings as I pretended to be able to tune the instrument lent to me by someone with talent. They will understand I figure, at least I have to think that, no choice. The stock market was closed, but bars were open. Just one pint please as I sit down to enjoy a night of karaoke. KH--Whitehorse, Yukon
WE WELCOME YOUR COMMENTS AND QUESTIONS (MAY BE EDITED FOR PUBLICATION) AND THAT'S THE NEWS FOR TUESDAY, APRIL 29, 1997.
---THE DWELLING TIMES--- NUMBER EIGHT
Insignificant information from 795-8 College Street, Toronto
WEEKEND EDITION NEWS FROM FRIDAY TO SUNDAY, MAY 4, 1997 (11:59 pm EST.)
HEADLINE: WINE STAINS OVERALLS
Jennifer Brewin, resident of 795-8 College Street mistakenly spilled red wine on her new overalls. The outfit was donated by resident-designate Kate Miles for Jennifer's upcoming foray to the wilds of B.C. Graeme MacKay and Heather Morton welcomed the striped overalls into the wardrobe of Jennifer Brewin as a nice change to the denim short overalls she has worn without respite since late last summer. It is believed that Jennifer spilled the wine while drunk at a party she held in her honour Sunday evening. The overalls are currently soaking in the bathroom and Jennifer is again sporting the denim.
HEADLINE: DEED DUPES DWELLINGS
It appears that both apartment five and apartment eight at 795 College Street have been visited recently by Deed (Friend) the cat. Roommates Heather Morton and Graeme MacKay heard meowing late Sunday afternoon and after a brief investigation that took them out onto their fourth story balcony, they found the cat at the back door to apartment five. Heather called the cat for approximately ten minutes with supplications such as "Friend... come here Friend" but to no avail. Heather and Graeme remarked on the nice green colour the park had become and then went inside. Later, Deed was seen in the living room of apartment eight. By way of explanation Graeme remarked to Heather "She came when you stopped calling her." It provoked the following response from Heather: "Isn't that always the way".
HEADLINE: MANITOBA FLOOD BLAMED ON APARTMENT INEFFECTIVENESS
Residents of 795-8 College Street have concluded that general unprepardness on their part contributed to the Red River overflow of water into populated areas of southern Manitoba. Last week, residents of the apartment scurried fruitlessly to acquire enough sand around the dwelling to fill a Dominion supermarket bag. The bag could not be filled, thereby scuttling a plan to send it to the disaster area for use on dykes.
SOCIETY COLUMN: POSEMARY ENJOYS PLAY
A Dwelling Times subscriber Posemary Rawm enjoyed an afternoon out at the theatre Sunday afternoon. After being turned away from "Harlem Duet" Posemary and a friend decided to give "The Four Lives of Marie" a try. Posemary chose a dark shade of black for the Sunday afternoon outing and wore matching separates with a casual yet chic sophistication. She sported a large black wool shawl, draped with a "devil-may-care" attitude and kept the sun out of her eyes with delicate dark sunglasses. Posemary sat in the back row of the theatre and seemed to enjoy the performance. She bought some candy at intermission. Posemary is expected at the Factory Theatre's upcoming presentation of "Come Good Rain".
HEADLINE: CORKSCREW GOES MISSING
At a party held in honour of roommate Jennifer Brewin Sunday night, the household corkscrew went missing. After much searching and the loud assertion by Jennifer that a guest had "lifted it" the corkscrew was found in the kitchen. It is believed that Jennifer went through several purses nonetheless, paranoia having already set in.
HEADLINE: SINKSIDE RECEPTACLE CONSIDERED FOR FAT RENDERING
Fears that dumping liquid fat down the kitchen sink might slow down drainage has forced residents to consider using an aluminium can to store grease waste. Among a number of arguments raised, the chief problem with the plan tends to be a remote possibility that rendered bacon fat may be mistaken as Quebec maple butter.
HEADLINE: LATEST POLL INDICATES CONFUSION
A recent poll of apartment residents concerning national political leadership indicates inconclusive results. The survey asked individuals who they thought would be the best candidate to take on the job as Prime Minister. None of the federalist leaders were chosen. The actual numbers were as follows:
Question: If an election were held tomorrow who would you vote for?
- J.Chretien 0%
- P.Manning 0%
- J.Charest 0%
- A.McDonough 0%
- Other 100%
Further investigation was made into the "other" factor, and results indicated 66% favoured Gilles Duceppe, and 33% favoured Tony Blair.
AND THAT'S THE NEWS FOR THE WEEKEND OF MAY 3, 1997.
---THE DWELLING TIMES--- NUMBER ELEVEN
Insignificant information from 795-8 College Street, Toronto
NEWS FOR THE WEEKEND OF MAY 11, 1997 (11:59 pm EST.)
HEADLINE: RESIDENTS CONCERNED ABOUT NOISE POLLUTION
Some concern has been raised in the last few days over the annoyance of noise resident's of the apartment must sometimes endure. Apart from the occasional sounds originating from the street level on College St., such as speeding TTC trolley cars, vehicle alarms, late night bar revellers, and the occasional morning jackhammer, the noise produced by walking on the hardwood floors is quite annoying. The 1920's era building seems to have dry wood floors that create loud creaking noises when walked upon. Resident Heather Morton has complained that the noise created by someone walking by the door of her bedroom often awakens her when asleep. Residents may consider contacting landlord Peter Lee to inquire replacement of the old hardwood, with newer hardwood.
HEADLINE: SINGING BIRDS CAUSE NO CONCERN
Apart from this weekend's major issue of hardwood floor noise pollution, the return of seasonal song birds is adding joy to the apparent. During certain periods of the day when all televisions and radios are powered off, and when no one is speaking, residents can hear birds singing in the distance. The singing usually does not occur at night.
HEADLINE: APARTMENT GRACED BY PRESENCE OF PIE
A Fortino's bought Apple Crumble pie that was unwanted at a Mother's Day function in the Hamilton Ontario region was delivered to 795 College Street, suite 8. The pie, obtained by Graeme MacKay, was partially consumed on Sunday night. It had been warmed for a few minutes at 200 degrees Fahrenheit. Graeme raised the temperature to 300 degrees Fahrenheit shortly there after. Heather raised concern about desiring ice cream to accompany the pie. Vanilla SealTest ice cream was discovered in the apartment refrigerator freezer, but it was evident by the layer of crystallized water on the cream that the product had been in the freezer for quite some time. Both Heather and Graeme concurred that it wouldn't be advisable to accompany the ice cream with the apple crumble pie. The mostly empty ice cream container remains in the freezer.
HEADLINE: COUNTDOWN TO ARRIVAL OF TENANT-DESIGNATE
Tenant-Designate Kate Doe is expected to move in this coming Tuesday. The announcement was made Sunday following a phone conversation between Kate and Heather Morton. Kate is expected to transfer several personal products such as clothes, books, toiletries, and possibly some kitchen condiments.
HEADLINE: RESIDENTS ATTEND LATE NIGHT CINEMA ON FRIDAY
Heather Morton and Graeme MacKay went to the movies on Friday night. They were accompanied by guest Jamie Beckett, an acquaintance of Graeme's. The trio first enjoyed drinks at the James Joyce pub on Bloor Street. Both Jamie and Graeme drank a pint of Guinness each, Heather had a Bloody Mary, though she was under the impression the hostess served her a Bloody Caesar. The film began at the unconventional hour of 12:20am Saturday at the Uptown theatre on Yonge Street. The three enjoyed the movie. Heather and Graeme returned to the apartment by taxi cab.
POLITICS HEADLINE: HEATHER MORTON ANGERED BY ELECTION TALK
When questioned on her political stance on issues, resident Heather Morton lashed back at Graeme MacKay on Sunday night to end the probing of personal political opinion. Graeme was inquiring about fiscal policy when she insisted on ending the investigation. Graeme complied, but cautioned Heather to carefully consider the platforms presented by all political parties before deciding who to vote for in the coming federal election. When she asked Graeme the date of the election, Graeme refused to comply in answering.
THE DWELLING TIMES I*N*T*E*R*A*C*T*I*V*E
Not very many people sent in new poetry for THE DWELLING TIMES poetry exhibit. We can understand that many of our readers are busy planting bulbs at this time, and may not have the patience to compile entries to the exhibit. However, we continue to encourage more poetry for future publication.
Our only entry comes from L.Cipparone from Toronto, Ontario:
Roses are Red Violets are Blue Sugar is Sweet and so is Harley Doooog
Thank you L.Cipparone
Our next request for submissions comes in a new form-- This time we would like you to look out the nearest window and describe to us in literate detail what you are viewing. All entries will be published in the next edition of THE DWELLING TIMES. AND THE THAT'S THE NEWS FOR THE WEEKEND OF MAY 11
---THE DWELLING TIMES--- NUMBER TEN
Insignificant information from 795-8 College Street, Toronto
NEWS FOR WEDNESDAY, MAY 7, 1997 (11:59 pm EST.)
HEADLINE: HEATHER LOSES WEIGHT
Resident Heather Morton, pleased by her visual sense of losing weight, showed off her trim stomach region to Graeme MacKay today. The apparent weight loss is attributed to her rigorous work schedule, as well as her recent tendency to eat lightly, and less often. Heather has been cutting down on eating Thai food, and pasta, which may be a result of this occurrence.
HEADLINE: JENNIFER LEAVES
Resident Jennifer Brewin departed for Vancouver today. She will be on assignment with a theatre group in the British Columbia interior. She will remain there for the duration of the Spring, Summer, and autumn seasons before returning to 8-795 College Street. Meanwhile, the resident-designate, Kate Doe, is to assume habituating in place of Jennifer beginning next week. Jennifer opted to leave a borrowed rice steamer in the company of residents of 8-795 College Street.
HEADLINE: RESIDENT LEARNS MORE ABOUT RECYCLING INFORMATION
Heather Morton read the Toronto Recycling and Refuse calendar (recently acquired for apartment use only) today. Upon reading recommendations she reminded herself, and Graeme MacKay, that wax coated paper products are to be disposed in the rubbish container and not the recycling blue box. Graeme today noticed a crack in one of the household drinking glasses and promptly placed it in the recycling container to avoid the unfortunate possibility of being injured.
HEADLINE: NEWSPAPER CELEBRATES TENTH ISSUE RELEASE
Editors of THE DWELLING TIMES were pleased to mark May 7th as a day of joy in celebration of its tenth edition. While there were no scheduled formal festivities to indicate the passing of the landmark date, editors quietly held private ceremonies, Graeme MacKay drank a can of beer, and Heather Morton ate a bowl of cereal.
DWELLING TIMES I*N*T*E*R*A*C*T*I*V*E
In Monday's edition we asked readers to submit poetry for publication. We encourage readers to send us more poetry, and we will publish submitted pieces in the next issue. Please refrain from using profane language and using themes of graphic or sexual nature which would not suitable for viewing by our younger, and sensitive readers.
Our first poem is from Mr. E.Cipparone of Toronto, Ontario:
I am a lawyer Somebody kill me Too many big words flood in like water in St. Agathe basements. Oh how I wish like a fish to be free. And the people I help, are they happy? Or laughing at me. Jell-o is nice when it's green! Oh the voices, the voices, I can't stop the voices. . . Unless I kill everyone.
Thank you E.Cipparone
Our next poem comes from a previous contributor to THE DWELLING TIMES, Mr.K.Hammond, of Whitehorse, Yukon:
Where the Hell are the Times! Are they a changin. Kirby(2:57 Yukon time)
Thank you K.Hammond.
And finally, Mr. K.Emmerson of Barrie, Ontario, sends this poem:
I don't give a **** This b***h is in the muck Dropped me like a pole for some f***in a**hole. Give me another hit Cause I feel like ****
Well, yes, thank you K.Emmerson.
AND THAT'S THE NEWS FROM THE DWELLING TIMES.
---THE DWELLING TIMES--- NUMBER TWELVE
Insignificant information from 795-8 College Street, Toronto
NEWS FOR MONDAY MAY 12, 1997 (11:59 pm EST)
HEADLINE: SPRING TIME RAIN
A crackle of thunder and a torrent of rain swept through the environs of 795 College Street, today. The view from Graeme's window showed May showers adding bright green hues of emerging grass blades and blossoming tree tops against the commanding skyline of downtown Toronto. (please see Reader Window Views below). Deed, the wandering dwelling cat, took refuge in Jennifer Brewin's abandoned bedroom during the torrent.
HEADLINE: RECYCLING BOX WELCOMES NEWCOMERS
The apartment recycling box gained about 6lbs recently when it was decided to discard the 1994 and 1996 issues of the Toronto telephone directory. Resident Heather Morton placed the two outdated reference manuals in the box resulting from the arrival of the 1997 edition. The fresh, unsoiled telephone book now takes up a prominent spot on the dining room table for residents and visitors to admire and peruse. The item is expected to retain usefulness for at the next 12 months.
HEADLINE: COFFEE CONTAMINATED WITH CINNAMON FLAVOURED BEANS
It seems as though a newly purchased selection of bulk coffee beans from the nearby Dominion supermarket may be contaminated with flavoured coffee beans. Resident Graeme MacKay normally acquires a mixture of unflavoured coffee beans, but it became evident by it's smell and taste that there exists cinnamon additives. Employees of the supermarket obviously mixed flavoured beans with unflavoured beans and has caused outcries of Dominion supermarket incompetence. Future purchase of coffee from that particular establishment will be reconsidered as it tends to make certain residents gag.
DWELLING TIMES I*N*T*E*R*A*C*T*I*V*E
Well it seems as though a few readers complied with our request and dispatched entries to our window viewing dialogue. Curiously, we received to entries from a brother and sister who both reside in Toronto, Ontario.
E.Cipparone wrote:
>From my office on the 61st Floor of First Canadian Place, which has a southern view, I can see the tops of the buildings of the Toronto-Dominion Centre, the Toronto Island (which is looking greener with the emergence of spring), Lake Ontario (which is also looking greener but for different reasons), and the State of New York in the distance (if it was clearer I could see Rochester, but who wants to see Rochester?). To my immediate right is the SkyDome and the CN Tower and to my left is BCE Place and Commerce Court. A brownish-grey streak of smog lines the horizon - truly the first real sign of spring!
L.Cipparone, a less creative sibling wrote: A lonely cool swimming pool that I would like to jump into - naked
Thank yous are extended to both Cipparones.
We also received a poem from R.Rawm, another Toronto resident. Her poem:
My Chinese Lunch Today
I had Chinese food for lunch today
Just as if, I was in Taipei.
It was tasty and tangy and greasy
No other dish in this way can please me.
Vegetarians such as I, love Chinese food
It is all rice and veggies and no meat though
choose one could!
Hot and sour soup, a spring roll and Vegetable
Delight,
Was what I ordered and will fill me right through
the night.
Tomorrow I must,
For my wallet I trust
Will force me to bring
A brown bag lunch fit for a king!
Thank you very much, Ms.Rawm, very creative, indeed. Well done!
To those other readers, we know you're longing to share your thoughts, so send them in.
AND THAT'S THE DWELLING TIMES FOR MONDAY MAY 12, 1997.
